


In Which Thor, Steve, And Bucky Get Well And Truly Drunk

by Fizzleout



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drunkenness, Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, I'm trying anyway, Mead, bad language, ignoring Civil War entirely, like 12 mead, somuchmead, you tell me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fizzleout/pseuds/Fizzleout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year, on the anniversary of Frigga's death, Thor has a tradition. It has grown slightly to include certain of the hardier members of his team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Thor, Steve, And Bucky Get Well And Truly Drunk

**Author's Note:**

> So, I found a video that gave me some inspiration to write a funny little fic.

It had been a three years since the death of Thor's mother. He had developed something of a tradition on this day. He would awake with the sun as he always did, spend the morning with Jane wistfully remembering his mother, if he talked every moment for the rest of her life, Thor would never be able to relate every story he had of his mother. The afternoon would be spent in quiet contemplation. 

The evening belonged to mead.

The year previous he had learned that friend Steven had also lost his mother, not from the ice but from illness when he was young. And so they had partaken together and told their sagas, of the women who had raised them. 

Friend Steven had found his lost shield brother Barnes, and after sometime the man was back to a more even keel. His remembrance of Steven's mother, and his own, lost to him through time and the machinations of evil men had been included, combined with his enhanced physiology, had made him the third of their group.

Each year Thor broached a cask of Asgardian mead, lain down a half millennia before his birth. Aged perfectly. The delight of Asgardians and discerning individuals from each of the nine realms. A luxury to be sipped and appreciated.

Perhaps they should not be quaffing as negligently as they were. But today was a day to drown sorrows, not a tea party. As Lady Darcy had taken him to. It was not enjoyable. The portions were tiny.

Perhaps bringing a second cask this year had been a mistake.

"It's a swe.. a swef.. a swell thing pal." Friend Steven had said clapping Thor on the shoulder. 

"Your speech is impa.. impert.. thing. Funny thing. Slurred!" Thor said snapping his fingers. "You must cease consuming the mead!" Thor boomed.

"So's is yours pal. I'm fine. Not driving or nothin'. S'fine, me and Buck ussa play runner for a speakeasy, and ever so offen the guy... thing, had a big hat. Boss! Thassa one! He's pass us a bottle and we'd get a lil tipsy. You never had rye huh?" Friend Steven asked, Thor shook his head, which seemed to be a mistake, as Midgard began moving far too quickly around him, and he had to sit down.

"We ussa have rye, cos of the probition, thassa Canadains drink, s'not good. But id'll do a trick. Thing was, we hadda drink inside, cos if'n we went ousside we triedta fight, couldn't get fifeen feet fromma door. Fucking..fucking guy tryna take our garbage cans! Works for the city my ass! Him and his fancy goddam truck. Buck! BUCKY! You 'member that fucker wivva truck?" Friend Steven said.

Friend Barnes was laying on his back waving his arms and legs and giggling.

"Ah, you don' member shit. Buck..Bucky, you's shiffaced! You needa stop!" Steve said stumbling towards his friend.

"Oh my god, I never thought I would see something so beautiful in my entire life." the obnoxiously sober voice of Stark came from behind them. 

"Wassa, wassa you?" Friend Steven asked turning to Stark. Who was obnoxious. Obnoxious, I'm nauseous, sounds the same these things are not coincidence!

"Easy Cap, I'm just enjoying your current state. I've been there a few times myself." Obnoxious Stark said holding a thing, a black thing, in his hand.

"Wassa thing Stark?" Thor rumbled, well done not saying the obnoxious part, he's never suspect a thing.

"Just a camera big guy. For posterity." Obnoxious Stark replied

"My posserior is no concern of yours Stark!" Thor boomed. Twice now! Continue your excellence Thor!

"No, not your posterior, posterity..." 

"There's an innerweb thing about my butt." Friend Steven interjected."S'ever day, someone wansa see muh butt. I means, I get it, s'a nice butt. But, ever day? S'excessive. S'overkill, s'too much." Steve said

"God, the last time I was saw someone this hammered it was... I don't even know, Pep! When was the last time we saw someone this hammered?" Obnoxious Stark asked Nice Pepper.

"Probably the star gala in 2006." Nice Pepper said, Thor's mind reeled

"You have acshual stars on Midgard?" He asked agog, that kind of technology was dangerous.

"I AM ONE!" Friend Barnes said, having pointed one of the spotlights illuminating the building up so it illuminated him instead, he had also acquired two flashlights, from Bor only knows were.

"Bucky! Geddown! You'sa fall 'gain, and thassa, thassa gon be a sad fing." Friend Steven said,

It was perhaps ill timing, but the building rocked ever so slightly, with an explosion.

"Ah, crap on a cracker, who chose tonight of all nights to screw with us?" Stark asked 

"I am attempting to ascertain that now boss." Friday replied.

"Right, Pep, safe room if you please, you three schmucks, try and sober up. Or hide." Tony said pointing at the three drunken heroes.

"I is Cappin fuckin Murica, I ain't hidin from shit!" Friend Steven replied, putting his fists up. Thor nodded in agreement

"The son of Odin hides from no man! Or frost giant. Or elf. Or dwarf. Or Vanir. Or fire giant. Or killy metal thing. Or Hulk. Or Darcy." Thor said, raising a finger with each additional thing he would certainly not be hiding from. Tony had been paying them scant attention, rude, whilst he donned his armor. So shiny, don't touch, Thor.

"Christ, just get to cover or something." Tony said, as Friday relayed information to him. The trio nodded, or at least Thor and Steve did, Bucky seemed to be keeping his eyes closed. 

The building rattled again, Thor ducked behind one of the common room sofas, Steve and Bucky hid behind the other. The doors of the elevator blew off and revealed a large spider like android...thing. Perched on top was a truly bizarre looking human, his head was enormous. immediatly upon seeing Iron Man he fired one of the spider things legs at him, emitting a strange bluish light, Tony's suit stuttered for a moment, then the lights of the arc reactor and eyes died and he fell over

"You cannot hide from me Banner!" The...dwarf? Troll? Person said.

"Docor Banner is not in the eveing. Can I take a message?" Bucky said from behind the couch. Still not having opened his eyes.

"Who is that?!" The large headed one screeched "Reveal yourself!"

"Steve and Bucky present! We will provide the HAMS!" Bucky said standing and saluting, while dragging Steve up with his other hand. Eyes still closed.

"Goddammit Bucky, we's appossa be covert, you're not allowed on missions for two weeks!" Steve said, exagerratedly showing two fingers.

Thor staggered up to his feet as well. He eyed the man with the large head. He had a small goatee, or no, not like what Fandral has, because Fandrals facial hair was to hide an unfortunate amount of space between upper lip and nose. But don't tell anyone, s'a secret.

"That is a fine beard you have there sir, I too have a beard." Thor slurred at the newcomer.

"Drunken fools! It's a mustache! Where is Banner?" the man asked

"Doccor Banner is in the Georgia. Not the close one, the far one. He is attendin a sympossum on nano...something. " Bucky said, he was not slurring his speech nearly as badly as Steven, who should stop consuming the mead.

"No matter, before I destroy that peon I shall dispatch the rest of the Avengers, starting with you!" the man shouted firing more of his weapons at them, Steve collapsed to the floor as Bucky released him. Thor followed suit quickly, leaving Bucky blithely standing in the middle of the firestorm.

"That is not friendly. Sir I mus' ask you to leave the premiseseses. You are disturbing the other patrons." Bucky said calmly.

"Die you imbecile!" The man screamed. Bucky executed a running leap over the couch, rolling back to his feet his left hand closed around the handle of Mjolnir, he LIFTED THE HAMMER?! What is my life now, I must find a new path, perhaps I shall garden, Thor thought, and brought it crashing down on the spider robot...thing. The large headed man tumbled free of the machine and rolled to his feet pulling some kind of pistol. Only to be caught in a field of red energy. Ah, it seems Wanda has arrived, perhaps she will help me find my new profession, Thor thought. The man was hurled against a wall with tremendous force. He crumpled into unconsciousness. 

"James, how are you holding Thors hammer?" Wanda's thick accent asked

"S'a metal arm. Not alive." Bucky said, as of it were so simple, Thor clearly had much to teach the other man before he could rule Asgrad. Asgolf. Asgard! That's the one!

Behind Wanda the other significant others walked out slowly, Jane anxious to get to Thor, Maria with her gun drawn and held low, eyes on Steve. Pepper came out last, from the common floor's safe room, kneeling down beside Tony's fallen form.

"It looks like this guy used some kind of EMP." Jane said, Jane so smart, and pretty hair. And smell nice, Thor thought, a goofy grin coming to his face.

"Thor, would you mind?" Pepper asked, motioning to Tony's faceplate.

"Not at all good Lady Pepper!" he said enthusiastically. He tore the mask from Tony's armor to reveal the man trapped inside. Laughing hysterically. Rude.

"Pep! Pep, we need to hire Barnes as our new concierge! He's so polite under pressure!" Tony said between laughing fits.

"I think this may be the mead, yes James?" Wanda said

"Yes, I wish to remain ill mannered for the rest of the year if possible." Bucky said, pulling Wanda down into his lap were he might more comfortably snuggle into her neck. Good idea Barnes, Thor thought as he lifted Jane off her feet that he may snuggle as well.

All eyes in the room turned to Steve and Maria, surely she would not allow public snuggling? Steve put on his best puppy dog expression and Maria sighed deeply before hugging her boyfriend.

"Hmmm." Steve hummed happily into her neck

"Alright, we need to get this mess cleaned up, a prisoner seen to, and you three need to get to bed." Pepper said, pulling out her phone.

"Come on soldier." Maria said pulling Steve into an elevator. Steve reached down and squeezed her bottom ever so gently "Watch it Rogers," she said swatting his hand away.

"You have a better posserior than me Maria, I don't care what th'innerweb says." Steve said as the doors closed, another elevator came up carrying the first cleanup crews and agents. Wanda was tugging Bucky towards the elevators, until he stopped and turned to Thor.

"Hammer." Bucky said, holding the weapon out to Thor

"No, Mjolnir has deemed you worthy, I can n-no longer bear the..." Thor trailed off, sniffling slightly

"S'not mine, sides, can't pick it up wivvout the metal arm." Bucky replied, setting the hammer down and trying with his right hand, the hammer would not budge. Huzzah! Thor picked up the hammer, and noted it was somewhat heavier than it had been.

"You do not get to judge the son of Odin, hammer. I am working through many emotions." Thor said directly in to the head of the hammer.

"All right guys, try and drink some... hell, I don't even know if that will work." Tony said as he was helped out of the armor.

***

The next morning Wanda, Maria and Jane met in Wanda and Bucky's kitchen for coffee as the women of the tower did every morning, only changing whose kitchen they ended up in.

"So, how's yours doing today?" Wanda gently asked the others

"Annoying as it is, it seems Asgardians don't get hangovers." Jane replied.

"Groaning and declaring the sun to be un-American." Maria said with a grin. "How's Bucky?" she asked, Wanda winced a little.

"Well, I think he's still a little drunk." Wanda said

"Really? I guess he doesn't process as quickly as Steve." Jane said

"He is...somewhat erratic. I may have to look over last nights video to see if Tony will use it to embarrass him." Wanda said sipping her coffee

"What do you mean, erratic?" Maria asked with a frown.

"Well, I'll show you." Wanda said. She set her mug down and knocked on the counter three times

"BARNES HATES KNOCKING SOUNDS!" Bucky yelled as he came to the door of their bedroom "HE ALSO HATES GOING OUTSIDE!" He said turning back towards the bedroom, his slight slur from the evening before still present. "AND GOING INSIDE! BARNES SHALL STAY IN THE DOOR FRAME! HE HATES IT SLIGHTLY LESS!" he said promptly falling back asleep against the door frame.

"So...erratic." Jane blithely.

**Author's Note:**

> How did I do?
> 
> Also the video in question is a Warhammer 40k parody..thing, made by Bruva Alfabusa on youtube. If you don't know what Warhammer 40k is, you're probably better off. Unless you really like grimdark dark grimness. The video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtOXq5J1RYo
> 
> Comments and Kudos vastly appreciated!


End file.
